Q&A: 10-week-old taking his first bottle

(Update: This should be subtitled "In which I completely miss the boat." In my defense I was writing this post way too late at night, but that's still no excuse for missing several simple solutions to the reader's problem. If you're running short of time, just skip down to the commenters, who have much better suggestions than I did for this one.)

Juliette writes:

"I am in a complicated situation. I have a baby boy, born on February 24, who is exclusively breastfed. I live outside the US, and can't get things like fancy baby bottles or an electric breast pump, so he has only ever received milk straight from me. I tried using a hand pump once, and expressed a tiny amount that my mom tried to give him with a cup and a little spoon, and the baby wasn't interested at all. He goes to work with me right now, and I can feed him on demand at the office.

I have a job interview on Thursday, May 11, in Boston. My son will be about ten weeks old. I had thought it would be a normal type interview, so I planned on nursing my son before I went to the interview, and then immediately when I got home. I was going to pump some milk and leave it with my husband so that if it looked like the baby was starving, he's have something to give him, but that was really just to make my husband feel better.

I just discovered that the interview will take all day, and cannot be broken up into two days.

We are flying to the US just for the interview, and will get in Wednesday morning. We will have an electric breast pump waiting for us, and bottles to use for feeding and storage. I'll have Wednesday afternoon and evening to pump enough milk for all day Thursday. On Thursday, my husband will have to give the baby his first bottle and keep him fed from about eight in the morning until six or seven at night.

Help! What can I do to make this go better?

I assume I'll need to pump on Thursday; I plan to do it during my lunch break with a hand pump. I'll just dump the milk. What can my husband do to make it easier for my son to take his bottle? Also, can you recommend a good nipple choice for the bottle to help prevent nipple confusion? We could try a cup and spoon again, I guess, but a bottle would be a lot easier."

I think you're going to have to try to feed him before you go on the trip, to encourage him to take either a bottle or a cup. If you wait to try to pump and bottle-feed until you get to Boston you're going to be really worried about it (including being distracted during your interview, which won't be good), and it's going to be more stressful for all of you, including your son.

You say that you can't get "fancy baby bottles." Can you get any kind of baby bottle at all? I think your mind would be eased if you could try to get him taking even an ounce or two of pumped milk from a bottle. Some babies are very picky about the kinds of bottles they'll take, while others will eventually take whatever kind you offer. If he's 10 weeks old and has been exclusively nursing, he's not going to get nipple confusion at this point, especially if it's only one day of taking only a bottle.

You also mention that your mother tried to spoon/cup feed him once. Has anyone else tried to feed him since then? Have you tried to pump anything since then?

I'm going to recommend that you start trying to pump (or hand express if your pump is crappy) for 10-15 minutes every day to get into practice with pumping. Some women can pump easily, but others of us need to do it often before we get even decent at it. I have no supply problems, but didn't really get decent at pumping until my second child. (Who won't really take a bottle. The irony.) Even if you don't get much at the beginning, you should pick a time to pump and pump at that time every day/night to get in practice and to get your supply up at that time of day. (Right after the first feed of the day is a popular time to pump, or you could try right after your baby goes down for the first stretch at night.)

Once you're getting an ounce or two when you pump, you should have your husband start trying to feed your son. If you have a bottle of any sort, try that. Otherwise, have your husband try feeding him out of a soft-sided cup (a paper cup or disposible plastic cup will have flexible enough sides that he can squeeze them in to make it easier for your son to drink), which will be easier probably than a spoon.

Follow the same advice for getting a baby to take a bottle that everyone always gives:

• Feed your baby a little first so he isn't too hungry when he gets the bottle.
• Leave the house when your husband gives the bottle.
• If the baby isn't getting it, stop for the day before the situation gets stressful.
• If the bottle just isn't working switch your focus to trying the cup.

I think if you can try every day for the next couple of weeks, you should be able to get your son to take an ounce or so from the bottle or cup. If he'll take an ounce on a normal day, he'll take more when it's the only option for food when you're in Boston. Or he'll just go to sleep to escape until you come back and nurse him. (Make sure when you leave that morning for the interview you tell him you'll be back when it's dark out. Technically he's too young to understand, but I think babies can understand much more than we think they can, and telling them exactly what's going to happen makes it easier on them.)

If he absolutely won't eat at all while you're at the interview, it's not going to hurt him. He'll be mad (and really hungry), but he'll be with your husband so he shouldn't be afraid. In the long run that one day will be such a minor blip of his life, and what will stick with him is that you came back, not that you were gone. If he won't eat, I think your husband will suffer more than your son will, frankly.

A couple of days before you leave you might want to start eating a couple of bowls of oatmeal a day to get your supply up. It's easier to pump full breasts, so if you have a greater supply when you get to Boston it'll be easier to pump then. On Wednesday, pump after every time you feed your son, and after he goes down for naps (ha--that was a joke, since he's 10 weeks) and bedtime.

Now, about nipples: I have to confess that I'm not up on the absolute latest nipples, since my baby refuses them. The only thing mine will take (when he deigns to take a bottle) is the soft spout of the Nuby cup. (Your American source can get it at KMart and probably other big-box retailers. For some reason they're always on the bottom shelf, forgotten and unsung, and cost around $2 each. A true bargain.) Plenty of people like the Avent nipples, so it seems to be a good all-around choice. (You'll probably want the #2 size, since then he won't get really frustrated with the slow-flow #1 opening or blasted with the fast-flow #3 opening.) There's also the Breastbottle nurser, which looks like something from the movie Sleeper. It seems like it would do the trick, but I have no information on this yet. (Readers? Any reviews on whether it's worth the hefty price? And is it possible for anyone to use it without giggling like a 7th-grader the entire time?)

So if your baby won't drink out of the kind of bottle you can get where you live (if he does then bring along that kind), I'd have an Avent nipple and a Nuby cup, and one more. Readers? Which one should she have? (So far the frontrunner is the Playtex silicone nipples.)

I think if you try to get him eating from a bottle or cup now you'll have a big leg up on the trip. If it doesn't work out, then you'll just have to do what you can and hope he'll eat in Boston. The absolute worst-case scenario is that he refuses to eat all day, and then nurses all night when you're back from the interview.

Good luck. I hope he takes a bottle with no problem, and you get the job.

Comments

[Shandra]

A desperation measure too is the medicine dropper (it looks like a small turkey baster).

[heather]

If it is any consolation, my son was never offered a bottle (didn't have any need to) until he was three months old, and he took it from me (his milk source) without a second glance. Some babies just aren't picky at all about where it is coming from. Good luck.

[Carrie]

I'm going to take a totally different approach here. For the record, I am super pro-breastfeeding, but since you don't have a good pump and I found the hand pump unbearable (and throwing away good milk made me cry), I am going to suggest playing around with different bottles and nipples (if you can find them) with formula prior to your trip. It tasts a little different, so it might make sense to the baby that it gets fed a different way. Once you find a combo of bottle and nipple the baby will take, you can used breastmilk for the real feedings.
My son is picky about which kind of bottle he will take and what temperature it must be. He likes the Playtex nursers with the bags in them that collapse. They have a very wide, squared off nipple and the baby takes the entire nipple and base of the the nipple into his mouth just like when latching on to a breast. We used silicone nipples, but I have heard other people say that because of the coloring, the latex nipples worked better for their picky eaters.
Avent bottles have a nipple that looks similar to the Playtex one, so that might be an option if it is available.

I would also take the electric pump to the interview with you and use it to pump during the lunch break. It is faster, can usually do both sides at once, and empties the breats pretty completely so you'll be more comfortable during your interview. If you're concerned about the noise it makes, I understand your desire to use the hand pump. Part of it depends on how long you can realistically be in the bathroom and away from your interview.

[Moxie]

Carrie, I thought about using formula, but speculated that since she didn't have access to fancy nipples and bottles and pumps she might not have access to good formula either. Now that I think about it, that doesn't make sense.

You're right, though, that he might take formula out of a bottle if he won't take milk. Or he'll completely reject it as being too different. Sigh. I'd still try milk first, though, since they haven't really tested him to see if he'll take it.

You're totally right about taking the electric pump to the interview--good catch. Also, U.S. culture is such that unless you're not telling them you have a baby, you can be straightforward about pumping during breaks from the interview, IMO. WOH moms, would you agree?

[Meira]

If they're letting her have a break for lunch, maybe her husband could bring the baby to her then? I'm sure that being a SAHM for 9 years is screwing with my perspective, but the idea that she can't escape from this interview for 20 minutes to nurse or pump is really creeping me out. Makes me want to rant about our society not supporting women's rights.
And I've heard that using a syringe/medicine dropper can work well sometimes.

[ktjrdn]

I second the playtex nurser silicone nipples for a bottle choice. Theya re wide based, and worked well for my daughter. The brown ones (latex) taste bad (Yes, I tasted them) and aren't shaped as well IMO, but might be considered for a picky eater just because of the color (10 weekers aren't all the swift yet and can sometimes be fooled)?

[Mary]

Currently, with Baby #2 I work three days a week and pump. With Baby #1 I worked five days a week and pumped. Given my work and pumping experience, I would be much more worried about getting engorged during the interview. It is very likely that you will need to pump twice. You may get very leaky so pad those boobs up very well. When I feel letdown during a meeting I will lean forward with my hands sort of under my chin and my forearms against my boobs.

It is also my experience that people are much more freaked out by pumping than by nursing. If you can, I would try to have your husband bring the baby to you twice, not just at lunch. It will also be a lot faster and easier to sit in an empty office and nurse for fifteen minutes than to balance on a toilet with a pump. And fifteen minutes probably won't empty you out.

If you don't feel comfortable being totally honest with your interviewers, blame it on your husband. Make a joke about it. Make it sound like you are totally competant and in control and it's your goofy husband. If you really want this job, tell them what they want to hear, which is, when you have the job, the baby will be in daycare/with a nanny and will have no effect on your job. Baby? What baby? I'd even consider lying and saying the baby has some food allergies and can only nurse at this point. I'm sorry to advocate all this lying, but I work with older women who nursed their babies and I still get shit about this. I could go on and on.

Hmm, after re-reading my post to check for typos, I had another idea. What if, a week or two before the meeting, you tried to get the baby feeding on a different schedule? My little monster is very adept at getting all her caloric intake when I'm at home, i.e. at night. She eats very little when I'm at work. Could you pretend you're at work for a week or two before the interview? And gradually build up the hours you aren't around? Then maybe both the baby and your boobs will be used to the interview schedule? You'd still need to pump at least once, but it might be easier on both of you.

[Melissa]

I third the Playtex nipples. The ones called NaturaLatch are the ones you want. They're basically the same shape as the Avent but a little softer, and my daughter goes easily between them and the breast.

[J]

As a WOH mom who pumped at work for a year, I would say that if she will be planning on pumping at work, she should just be up front about the need to pump at some point (at least once at lunch or maybe two shorter breaks during the day), since most likely she'd be pumping twice a day during a normal workday when/if she gets/takes the job. Most day-long interviews I've been on (law firms) and my husband has been on (acadmic jobs) expect that you'll be eating lunch with people from the office to kind of get a feel for you socially, so she may not be able to count on a private lunch hour, and may expect to go to dinner at night, too, so be sure to check on the full itinerary so there aren't any surprises.

I really think the best thing to do would be to contact whoever is the person who handles the logistics of the interview and just tell them, I am breastfeeding, I will need to pump, and ask if they could work out a plan in advance for how, when, where she will do that during the course of the two day interview. Also, I don't know where she'd be interviewing, but most office buildings have a fridge where she could store the pumped milk from the first day, too. Electric pumps usually come with a nice little non-descript cooler that she could put in the fridge when she's done. Also, depending on the size of the place she's interviewing at, if it's a decent enough sized business or organization, there has probably been at least one pumping mom, so they probably are already used to it. Even if they haven't, they will probably go overboard trying to appear open to it, and if they appear bothered by it, then that's good to know before taking a job, too.

As for how to get baby to take a bottle, she may not be able to get fancy bottles where she lives, but I am sure she can try whatever is available (using Moxie's guidelines, above) until she leaves for the US. If baby still isn't taking a bottle by the time they come for the interview, then she can either try to leave hubby at home with a medicine dropper, a sippy cup with the suction filter thing removed so it's just holes in an enclosed cup, a few different types of bottles, some pumped milk, and some formula and just encourage him to try any/all of the above.

She could have husband bring baby to her to nurse at least once during the day (as other's have said), but I think that strategy will depend a bit on the temperament of the baby. My daughter went on a two-week long bottle strike after I'd been back at work for a few days, and bringing her to work was very difficult for both of us. She was not content to just do a quick 15 or even 30 minute nursing session, she wanted to linger about, so ending the nursing session usually resulted in screams that could be heard throughout the entire building and hubby having to drive the whole way home with a screaming child in the carseat.

Finally, whew, it's like I can't stop writing. A recent woman who interviewed (and was offered the job) at my husband's work was nursing her son who wouldn't take a bottle, and she just asked to leave for a one hour lunch both days (rather than doing the planned lunch with members of the faculty, and returned to their hotel room nearby to nurse her son. She ultimately found that her son would take cold milk from a sippy cup, but during the interview she left each day for lunch and her mother who was watching the baby while she was at the interview would try to give the baby milk while she was away, but even if she couldn't, at least the baby didn't have to go longer than 4 hours without nursing.

[SMIT]

My daughter didn't have any trouble taking a bottle. Her difficulty was in switching to formula because she didn't like the taste. But when I gave her breastmilk in a bottle we had no trouble. We used Avent bottles. Hopefully you won't have difficulty either.

Best of wishes taking that tiny baby on the plane flight. We just did our first (our daughter is 6 months) and it, surprisingly, went much better than I had anticipated.

[Brooke]

We use the Dr. Brown's nipples. We got a bunch of Avent bottles, but Sanna doesn't like those nipples. Luckily Dr. Brown's wide nipples fit in the Avent bottles.

Of course the babe still doesn't really like the bottle, but she'll at least eat enough during the day to keep from starving.

[Carrie]

As a WOH mom, I'd say people are *way* more eeked out by pumping than breastfeeding.

I'd also say that pretty much everyone in the office knew I was pumping, but when customers come in and I am in all-day meetings, I excuse myself to "return calls" or "check on the lab" or something work-related. When I travel for business, I have to "check my voicemail" in the ladies' room for 20 minutes. I work in heavy manufacturing though and it might not be as progressive as other industries, and more often than not, I am the only woman in the office or on a business trip so they might not even know how long a owman should be spending in the restroom.

I did have some explaining to do in teh airport once when I put the pump through the x-ray though....Did you know they have a special TSA person trained in looking at breastpumps on the x-ray to make sure that's what it really is?

[Amy]

Moxie and other commenters are right about it really depending on the baby. My baby would not take Avent, but liked Playtex okay. Because of her gassy belly, I ultimately used Dr. Brown's regular (original) bottles with her, but I will say this: even the Level 1 nipples have a fairly fast flow because of how the bottle is designed to let air in. If a baby has a strong suck, Dr. Brown's bottles could overwhelm him/her. Also, they are pricey, so if anyone wants to try them, I always recommend borrowing a couple to start. (Sterilized, of course.)

[Carla Hinkle]

Another baby who liked Playtex -- the latex ones (I think they are Natural Action).

I also recommend bringing you the baby during a break but also be prepared to pump at least once.

[meghan]

Not advice really, but an idea... Cole never took a bottle, and I tried every brand under the sun. They sit, unused, somewhere in his closet. I'm not sure where you are internationally and how long they would take to get to you, but if you want any of the fancy bottles I'm able to locate, let me know and we can work something out for the shipping or whatever. (I also happen to live in Boston, if you'd be here far enough in advance to try them out then.)

[Juliette]

I wanted to comment and thank everyone for all their advice. Suggesting that we practice with formula was particular genius, since the hand pump drives me completely insane. I'm going to use it to get my breasts used to pumping, but knowing that if we don't get much milk, it's okay, is very reassuring.

We bought all the bottles and nipples we could find over the weekend - one German, one Russian, and one Turkish. The German and Turkish nipples are silicone, but the Russian seems to be latex. We'll try them all.

The interview is for a job with a pretty intense company, and I suspect that (even though it would be illegal) it would count against me if they knew I had such a small baby. I am hoping that they just don't find out until I get the job.

Thanks again to Moxie and everyone else for making me feel a whole lot calmer about this interview!