Q&A: postpartum bridesmaiding

Ria writes:

"I am expecting my first baby in late June or early July, and my brother is getting married in mid-August. It's all very wonderful and exciting, especially as I am to be a bridesmaid (bridesmatron?) at the wedding.  My question is not related to parenting as such, but I'm hoping you and/or your readers can give me some advice on a few specific things.

First, I have to get measured for and order this dress now, almost into my third trimester.  Luckily, I have a set of measurements taken last August before I got pregnant. My instinct is to order a dress one or two sizes above what those measurements would indicate and have it altered at the last minute. I also thought about getting some measurements taken now and shooting for a size halfway in between those sets of measurements.  Does either of those sound reasonable, or one better than the other?

Second, the chosen dress is strapless. Even if they sold strapless nursing bras, I'm not sure I would want to invest in one just for one use.  Any wisdom or thoughts on the best way to be a newly-nursing mother *and* wear a strapless dress? Perhaps some kind of underwire or support sewn into the dress? A normal strapless bra with breast pads inside? (I know you're going to suggest Lilypadz, but they alone don't solve the support garment issue; I was a D cup before I got pregnant, and who knows where I'll end up by next August.)

Third and lastly, dress alterations take time, and time is one thing we're not going to have a lot of.  My chest and belly will probably still be actively changing size six weeks postpartum. Having never gone through this process, I have no idea whether to go see a seamstress two weeks after the birth, or four, or when at all. If I wait long enough to get the best fit, there'll be very little time to get the alterations done. On the other hand, at a fancy wedding with eight bridesmaids and a dress that costs more than the baby's crib, I don't want to look like my dress doesn't fit me. Any insight into this? And while we're at it, any recommendations of places in the Boston metro area that specialize in working with pregnant/barely unpregnant bridal parties?

Someone out there has to have gone through a similar experience. All thoughts and advice will be gratefully accepted!"

I think that with dresses, as with the rest of life, it's all about the boobs. If the dress fits the ladies correctly, the tailors can always alter the waist and hips etc. to fit you a week or two before the wedding. Since you'll be fewer than 8 weeks postpartum for the wedding, it's highly likely that your breasts will be the same size they are in the third trimester. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you'll be two cup sizes and one band size up from your prepregnancy size. You probably will have lost a lot of the swelling and water weight around your midsection, but it's likely that you'll still be at the same band size you were at the end of pregnancy at that point. Most women go up a cup size when they become engorged in the first week postpartum, but the engorgement will have gone down by the time of the wedding and you'll be back down to the cup size you were in the third trimester. (For more data points on sizes postpartum, read the comments to my nursing bra post.)

So I'd go get measured right now and figure your breasts will be the same size then, and they can just alter down the rest of the dress for you.

A strapless bra is, by nature, a nursing bra, no?, because you can just pull it down when you need to nurse. I'm assuming that since your baby will still be so small you won't be ready to nurse in front of a reception hall full of people anyway, so if you're sitting in some ladies' lounge on another floor somewhere you might as well just pull down the dress and strapless bra and nurse. So I'd go for a good, supportive strapless bra (maybe a long-line to give you a little extra support and slimming effect) in the size you are in your third trimester. But if you do your reconnaissance work now and find out the styles available to you, you can get sized closer to the actual wedding. OTOH, if you do want to find out if strapless nursing bras exist, I'd give the women at your local nursing supply store or Upper Breast Side in New York City a call at 212-873-2653 to see what they have to say.

(And I am going to suggest Lilypadz, but just so you don't soak through the beautiful teal or burgundy taffeta of your dress, not for support, which they don't provide.)

As for the timing of all of this, I'm going to hope that someone can suggest an awesome seamstress in the Boston metro area. When you get this info, you're going to call and tell her your dilemma and ask how much time she needs to do alterations. She'll tell you exactly when to come in for alterations, and you'll feel better and it'll all work out.

Congratulations to your brother, and good luck to you. If you find a good seamstress, it'll all be fine and you'll be able to enjoy the wedding with your little baby.

Comments

[Jody]

I don't know anyone in Boston, but a good seamstress with a long lead time (for scheduling purposes) can do the alterations in a day. Of course, this will cost you something, but not as much as you might imagine (I hope, not knowing Boston's rates).

Good luck, and enjoy the wedding!

[Kate]

This is completely not what you asked, but if you are looking for a swanky way to hold (and discreetly nurse) your little one during the proceedings, there are sling makers that make truly fabulous dressy silk slings. (They also look good with jeans :-) I have one from Zolowear that is the most gorgeous piece of useful fabric that I own, with the possible exception with my wedding dress.

As far as the dress, I think you're approaching it pragmatically. Everyone is SO different as to when/how the weight comes off. I know people who had a terrible time losing pregnancy weight while nursing, but I managed to lose it (plus extra unintentionally) without even trying within about eight weeks.

[Moxie]

Kate, if you don't mind my asking, what size were your breasts at 8 weeks postpartum compared to the third trimester? I'm wondering if women who lose all pregnancy weight quickly also lose weight in the breasts, or if you look like Jessica Rabbit. I didn't lose all my pregnancy weight with #1 until around 7 months, and by then my breasts were starting to go down a cup size, too.

[heather]

My experience was similar to Kate. I lost all my pregnancy weight (plus some) within six weeks. My cup size was still the same until about six months post-partum, although my band size had gone down. Hope that helps.

[Kate]

To be honest, I don't really have a good answer on the cup size issue. I definitely had bigger breasts for a while--long after I lost the pregnancy weight--but they never seemed overly big, except for maybe the first few days after my milk came in (when I was taking 2 hot showers a day to prevent engorgement).

Before I was pregnant I wore a 34B. When I was pregnant I wore a 34C. (Literally, my breasts grew instantly, but then they stayed that way for months.) About 3 weeks before I delivered I got fitted at the Upper Breast Side...and wound up with a Medela in a 32D, which fit me differently (not necessarily better or worse) than other bras. It was very supportive at the beginning, but at a certain point--maybe 3 months post partum?--I wore it mostly under "nicer" clothes (to go to synagogue, etc.) or under my Boob nursing shirt because it had a much better structure than my Bravados or my Target nursing tank--but those I wore probably 90% of the time.

At the same time I got the Medela I also got a Bravado in size "S+"; later on (sorry, I have no idea when!) I bought another Bravado in size S, which fit better at the time. And right before I got pregnant again--figure when my daughter was about a year--I bought a nursing bra from Lands End in a 34B, but now that I am due in 4 weeks it does not fit at all.

So I'd say that at 8 weeks pp I was up a cup size, give or take. Plus I was leaking, and using the Avent disposable pads (my favorite of several brands).

Sorry to ramble. Did that answer anyone's question?

[Julie]

I was in almost exactly the same situation, except that my daughter was closer to 4 months old by the time the wedding came around. I think you've gotten some really good advice about the dress, so I won't add anything about that.

If you don't mind, I will offer some unsolicited advice about the wedding day. Drink plenty of water, and make sure you get time to nurse and to eat! I was so busy on my brother's wedding day that I didn't take time for those things (I had arranged in advance for someone to feed the baby from a bottle before and during the ceremony so that I could be with the bride).

I fainted during the ceremony, and by the time there was a break in the action to feed the baby, I was so engorged it was awful for us both.

I'm sure you'll be smarter about it than I was, especially since your baby will be so new. Good luck!

[meghan]

Two Boston resources, since I'm all about the commenting these days :)

- Magic Beans (mbeans.com) in Brookline sells Lilypadz, so you don't have to deal with shipping, etc. (Plus they have awesome baby gear, so it's worth the trip)

- Our 'Upper Breast Side' is Isis Maternity (isismaternity.com), in terms of bra fitters, lactation consultants, etc. If they haven't been through this before, I'd be totally shocked, and their staff may have other recommendations, too.

Good luck!

[AmyinMotown]

if you come up empty with the nursing shops, then maybe call a fabric store in your area that specializes in bridal. That's where I found the seamstress that did my wedding dress alterations and she was wonderful and I would have absolutely trusted her in a situation like this.

And can I just tell you how WONDERFUL you are for agreeing to this? One of my bridesmaids agreed to be in my wedding when her baby was four months old and while she never complained, now that I have been through the motherhood thing I know it had to be difficult (she was nursing, has older triplets and they had to travel to get to the wedding). I hope your brother and SIL-to-be are giving you LOTS of props, and I know your being there must mean a lot to them!

[Deirdre]

I was the matron of honor at my best friend's wedding at six weeks post-partum. The dress was something of a nightmare beforehand because it had to be ordered super early and "they" ordered it HUGE. The thing fit when I was eight months pregnant. Luckily, the random seamstress around the corner from me had it nicely pulled together within a week when I was less than a month post-partum. I wore a corset under the dress because it was longer than a long-line bra and kept the PP tummy somewhat in check with fewer bulges than otherwise.

The strapless part of the dress is probably a good thing. Mine had spaghetti straps that I altered the night before so I could unsnap them to breastfeed.

Overall, I had no idea how difficult it would be to be in the wedding (which was also 2000 miles from my house) but we all survived. After several years, my friend is now pregnant so maybe she'll more fully understand just what I had to go through to be there.

[cass]

It's not in Boston proper, but the woman who runs The Enchanted Bride in Stoughton was fabulous, and had a great seamstress on staff. I don't know if they'll alter a dress that's coming from someplace else, but she would likely have a recommendation if she can't do it herself, and maybe some advice on sizing for the dress order. Assuming she's still there, of course. Her name is Taryn (rhymes with Karen) and she took excellent care of me pre-wedding (and dealing with my size changing due to instensive weight loss) and was totally worth the drive (I was heading down from Cambridge at the time). Email me for more details if you need 'em.

[Ria]

Thanks so much for all the input!

I got measurements taken again yesterday. Pre-pregnancy: 40/30/40 25 weeks pregnant: 41/40/40.5 I didn't think my breasts had grown much, but I thought they'd grown more than an inch! I'm leaning toward ordering the dress with bust size 42 (the bust size will determine the size of the dress, in my case). The bride has also said it's fine for me to get my dress with spaghetti straps, to help hold it up, so I'm going to do that; the bridal shop suggested the idea in the first place. (I'm hoping not to breastfeed while wearing the dress, but just to go into the bathroom, get half undressed, and pump. My husband is going to be the stay at home parent, so the baby ought to be used to daddy feeding her pumped milk in a bottle by that time.)

The idea of a corset bra is brilliant and I will definitely keep it in mind. Thanks also for the local suggestions. All of the bridal shops I've talked to so far say that they only do work on their own dresses, but I've given out my name and phone number in case someone knows of a good independant seamstress.

[Annie G.]

just a suggestion for a seamstress/tailor in Boston: Best Fit, at 268 Newbury Street. I used them this fall when I was a bridesmaid in two weddings, and they did a great job (one dress needed to be completely restructured). They are NOT cheap, but they do a good job!