Q&A: finding a babysitter

Beaver Girl writes:

"What's the best way to find a good sitter/nanny?   Agencies?  Craig's List?  Local parenting bulletin boards?  Word of mouth?

What sort of questions should I ask a nanny candidate?  I know the basics that you can download from any website, but do you have any secrets or tips on finding a good one?"

I'm going to need some reader participation here. I've only found part-time babysitters, never a full-time one. So I can tell what I know, but those of you who've done a full-on search for a full-time nanny are going to need to throw in your 2 cents.

For a part-time sitter, I like to use college students, either a mature undergrad or a grad student. College students often have nice chunks of time available for someone who needs some hours but not a half-time or full-time schedule, but won't desert you for a full-time babysitting gig (because they have classes to take). College students are also usually quite willing to do things exactly the way you want them done because they don't have preconceived notions about how babies should be raised (as many professional babysitters do). If you want the nap at 10, they won't argue about it. If you want the baby to eat green beans, they'll feed the green beans.

I also think that if your baby is over 6 months old, a college student is going to be great at being goofy and tiring your kid out. Once your kid starts trying to walk, a college student has the huge advantage of youth and vigor, and can spend hours bending over to hold a walker's hands. A student will have the stamina to play 5 games of Candyland in a row, or push the swing for 45 minutes. After a certain age, playing becomes way more important than anything else (assuming the babysitter feeds your child and changes diapers every few hours).

IME the thing you really want to look for is a connection between the babysitter and your child. Skills can be learned, so as long as the potential sitter has common sense (and your cell phone number), I'd go with the one you get along with best and who really thinks your kid is super-cute and super-funny.

For a full-time (or half-time) babysitter you're definitely going to want to go with a professional babysitter, since college students will take time off at the end of each term, and that can leave you high and dry. If I were looking for a full-time sitter, I'd go hang out at the playground (or wherever nannies go in your area) and watch until I saw a great one, one that you'd trust with your child. Then approach her and ask if she knows anyone looking for a full-time position. Good nannies know and hang out with other good nannies, and a good nanny wouldn't recommend a bad nanny. (You should hear the things good nannies say about bad ones. It makes the SAHM vs. WOHM debate look like a tea party.)

I don't know if I'd go with an agency (unless you were in a serious time pinch). It's going to cost you way more than the going rate in your area, and there's no guarantee that the nanny they send will be great, since so much of it is personality and what clicks with you and your family. That's not to say that you wouldn't be able to trust the nanny, just that you might not click the way you would if you found someone through another parent or nanny you trust and get along with.

You're also going to want to make sure you're on the same page with the nanny with regards to things like naps, feeding, and discipline. I know it's hard to imagine when you have a newborn, but at some point discipline is going to be a huge issue, and you want a nanny who continues the same tone you do so you have continuity of discipline.

A great babysitter can be a huge advantage, almost an ace in the hole, because she's another person who knows your child well and with whom you can discuss your child's development and issues. So you want someone who can really be attuned to your child, whether or not she has gobs of experience with other kids. (I'd go for the inexperienced enthusiastic nanny who loves playing with your child over the experienced jaded nanny who's tired from too many years of running around the playground, even if the experienced nanny knows everything there is to know about kids.)

OK, experienced WOH moms? How did you find your babysitters? Anything you did right? Anything you wish you'd done differently?

Comments

[Cat, Galloping]

I work full time out of my home office so I needed a full-time nanny.

I initially wanted to use an agency because it somehow seemed safer, but in the end I realized that they are just advertising for candidates in the newspaper, same as I could do. There are also servies you can use to do a criminal background check and driver's history for under $200 or so. A friend sent me www.4nannies.com

Anyway, the inexpensive agencies had no candidates for me and the one that had a few great candidates charged an arm and a leg. So in the end I looked in the "situations wanted" section of the paper, met a few of the people, and hired one. So far, so good!

[Ally]

We use a family daycare, but we found her much the same way as you describe. We asked around for referrals, called three people, only one had a spot, we met with her, liked her, and hired her.

While the dc of my dreams would be a tad more organized, with an itemized report of my child's doings every day, Jamie loves it there and he's received excellent, loving care. We've had to work on communication, but found a good solution (I provided a notebook that she writes certain info in every day), and the flexibility and openess she gives us is well worth it.

[redzils]

No advice here - I just want to know what the good nannies say about the bad ones (hee!).

[Monica]

This post came at the perfect time for me! Even though I'm a SAHM, it's getting to the point when I really need to schedule some kind of a weekly break--so a college student babysitter sounds ideal. I've been worried about how to find the right person--I also really want someone who has the energy to play with Madam, now that she's older and getting into all of that stuff.

I'm printing this one out. Thank you!

[deborah]

My nanny writes a "letter" to my 4-month old daughter every day highlighting what they did, new developmental milestones that were reached, how well she napped, what her mood was like, etc. I love coming home every night and reading about their day -- it's the next best thing to actually being there.

Oh, and I found my nanny via craigslist. I got lots of great responses to my ad, conducted phone interviews for a short list of the most promising, narrowed that down to a handful of in-person meetings, and voila! Chose the one with the best chemistry for me and my daughter.

I can't stress enough the importance of trusting your gut. I passed over a number of candidates with impecable resumes in favor of someone who just seemed to "get me."

[beaver girl]

This is extremely helpful! Thank you! I'll let you know how it turns out.

[laura]

I was a live in nanny for about 2 years and a full time live-out nanny for about a year. Three different families.
Family One-- chemistry was fine but the mom tended to be a micromanager. This didn't bother me too much at first but eventually it wore me out. She found me through word of mouth-- she asked her most recent good nanny if she knew of anyone, and that woman asked her friends who were nannies, and a friend of mine thought of me. I was a college student at the time taking a break from school, and yes-- I had boundless energy for playing and adventures. We had lots of fun.
Family 2-- Met them thru word of mouth also, my best friend was a nanny at that time and the woman she worked for was in a book group with several women needing part time sitting help; my friend met this family and introduced me. I did part time sitting for them while still living in with Family 1, then switched to full time with them. This was the BEST relationship, because we had gotten to know each other over time and because we "got" each other. There is no substitute for the right chemistry + mutual respect. That combination leads to mutual affection which leads to a very happy family.
Family 3-- I came back to my hometown and needed work, got this job through my mother's network-- so again word of mouth. I had a lot of fun with them and again the chemistry was just right.
The gut instinct and the chemistry are so important. Make sure that you provide ample opportunities to interview and "audition" them.

[Kate]

I used Craigslist and Urban Baby and limited myself to those nannies whose employers wrote the advertisement for them. As an experiment I also ran an add for one day.
I recommend the first approach; the quality of the nannies whose employers were reluctantly giving them up/actively assisting them in their job searches was much better. Another tip is to plan on interviewing as many people as it takes until you find someone you are comfortable with. I ended up interviewing fifteen candidates; these "interviews" involved some questioning by me and some playing with my then six month old son. Also, I am not sure of the value of the background checks that you pay for, but I definitely recommend calling all of your prospective nanny's references. If a candidate has four prior employers all raving about her, as the nanny we hired did, the chances she's going to do a good job for you too seem to me to be pretty high. Finally, if it is at all possible, do the interviews with someone else, ideally your parenting partner. I found it hard to make the decision based only on my own impressions, although we ended up hiring someone just I met; it was much easier to decide about those that my husband was able to meet along with me.

[Katie]

This may not be much help, if any thing it is a situation to stay away from.
We moved a year ago, only 15 miles from what was home, but too far to dealing with trips to the old sitter everyday. My daughter is 3.5 and my son is almost a year (born just after we moved) The old sitter is a retired health care worker, lives two doors down from my in-laws, and my husband knows her grown children and had played with her grandson when he was a kid. She has had my daughter since she was 3 months old and is now 3.5 years. She was great. She loves my kids dearly and my daughter loves her back and my son is always happy when I'm there. The down side is the drive- my daughter is in preschool mornings so my husband leaves with my son to take him to her house and then I take my daughter out there after morning preschool, and my husband again to pick them both up. I could walk to work if I wanted too so I hate this driving. The other down side is she has made strong suggestions about what I should and should not do with the kids, giving my daughter french fries as a meal, not demanding naps after preschool which is a must, and asking us to provide disposable diapers because she does not like the clothe I provide. Mainly because of the drive we only do this on Wednesday and Fridays. My MIL watches the kids at our house Tuesday and Thursdays. I have recently become concerned for her health (she fell at our house and has back problems). I also don't like feeling in debt to her because she does not want payment for watching but I feel the need to do other things (that said I got her a spa gift card a year ago and she has not used it). Also, it becomes Grammy time in that they get foods I would not give them and are allowed to do things at our house I would not allow (like eating chicken noodle soup at the coffee table on the new rug with no bib). Her daughter is due with her first child and I don't want to keep her from helping her own daughter. Finally we have a college student on Mondays. She is good with the kids and my daughter looks forward to days with her but she is less reliable than I would like and I always have more laundry with her because she does not get clothe diapers. She had a friends call at 9pm the night before she was to watch my kids to say she could not because she was too upset over the boyfriend breakup, and emailing the night before to say she was too sick to watch the kids and her cell phone was dead so she did not have my number. Good thing I checked my mail at 10pm on a Sunday night.
Each morning my daughter wakes up and asks "who is watching us today" and it breaks my heart her world is in such an upheaval.
On top of all of this, I don't get my lunch hour. I'm either at home helping with lunch or spending it in the car. I dream of the day of having a few minutes at home by myself. Preschool is over in 4 weeks and I can't wait.
I have used word of mouth to find other daycare, ads at the university where I work, and ads in the paper (some weird people out there). I don't want a day care center- just my preference. Because my son is under a year it is hard to find openings for him. I have meet with a few people and just did not feel great about it. One women I did find could not remember my children's names, then called to say she hurt her back only for me to see her ad for openings in the paper a few days later. One women's prices were not great and canceled our meeting because she did not have the opening she expected to have.
That said I have a meeting tonight with the 7th name I have received. The phone call was very promising! She is used by another family at my daughter's preschool and my daughter likes this girl and has not stop talking about going to so-and-so babysitter. At one point I felt bad about leaving the only sitter my daughter has known until she come home yesterday as a terror because she did not have a nap.
Crossing my fingers.

[Katie]

I'm so embarrassed to have taking up so much space. My apologies.

[lynn]

I've had good luck with sittercity.com. I've used it twice so far. I learned about Sittercity from a friend, who had all good things to say about it. I first joined when I needed a sitter on one day's notice - it was Saturday and we had dinner plans for Sunday, so I searched the site for sitters. There were tons in my area - not too surprising since we're close to so many univserities. I used the advanced search to focus on sitters with experience with infants, and those who had gotten good reviews in the database from other parents. I found a sitter who fit both criteria and also lived just a few blocks away. I called her, she was free, and her Sittercity profile gave me the numbers to call for reference. It worked out great.

[ktjrdn]

I use a day care center for full time day care. I have a full time job. The first time I was looking for a sitter for the evening, I was at a complete loss. But then I asked one of my daughter's day care teachers, and found out she was looking for some extra money. She's 20, and already knows and loves my daughter, and has worked out great for short-term evening/weekend babysitting duties. You might want to check the local day care agencies to see if anyone there with childcare experience does extra sitting evenings/weekends.

[Michele]

This is my first baby , I will need a sitter, full time when she is about 5 months. That will be around Labor Day.....Help! Ihave been reading all these very informative notes, but still need help. I live in Bensalem, PA.

Michele

[Ursula]

It is sad to hear that other people are dealing with childcare issues. It brings on such stress that it is amazing we make it through a day at work. We thought we found the perfect babysitter only to learn my children were in front of the television watching movies. She discouraged my older daughter from walking to school, (we live one block away.) We posted the add stating we need someone to play Barbie's and dolls along with arts and crafts. She said all of that is what she expected to do. She flew across the country to live with us and I have to say she was late for work daily. Imagine being late to work when you live at your job.

I am in need once again of full time, playful childcare. Reading the ideas from the other postings have given me some good leads. Has anyone had any luck with an au pair agency called Inter Exchange?