Q&A: baby will only suck no mom's finger

Elspeth writes:

"My 4 month old girl is a real sucker - but only sucks my breast or finger.  I've tried 10 different pacifiers and she refuses them all.  I try almost daily as sucking on my finger anytime she's tired or fussy is a real drag for me.  So far she has no interest in her own thumb - I'd by happy with anything other than my finger!

She wants to suck my finger essentially when she's cranky, tired or needs a cuddle.  Really any time she needs calming or soothing.  She can have her eye's closed tight and still know if my finger is near and quickly move her head to catch it. If I don't let her soothe on my finger she'll scream in displeasure.

Outside of this she's a great baby and even sleeps through the night (11 hours straight, 90% of the time!) most nights.  She's very healthy and gaining well, 100% breast fed.  Only other trouble is that to sleep during the day she's in my arms - but crib at night (goes in asleep). As you can imagine she refuses a bottle too."

I'm going to work backwards on this question. I don't think the sleeping in your arms during the day is anything to worry about, since she'll probably grow into naps more as she gets closer to 5 months. Many kids at 4 months don't take naps longer than 20 minutes in any location, so you're already a little ahead of the game. All you'll have to work on is location, and I wouldn't worry about that until after you've got the finger-sucking thing resolved.

I also don't think there's a thing wrong with going into the crib asleep. IME the less stress you put on a kid's own resources to get to sleep, the easier it'll be for them to go to sleep on their own later on, because they associate sleep with snuggly comfort.

This finger-sucking thing sounds like an enormous pain! I'm imagining you trying to sneak away while she's sleeping, only to have her reach out and chomp for your finger like a toothless shark.

I'm pretty sure the ship has sailed on her sucking her own thumb, if she's 4 months old and won't do it by now. So I think your only chance is to try to get her to switch to a pacifier. I'm not going to be super-helpful with this, since my first took a pacifier at three months (before three months he absolutely refused, but at three months he took one easily) and my second one never took a pacifier (although when he's not sucking your finger, that's not a big deal).

The one thing I can think of is that it might help her accept a pacifier if she was a little more calm before you tried to make the switch. Have you tried giving her any homeopathic chamomilla? Homeopathic remedies are perfect for babies and children because they have no side effects whatsoever (the remedes are in sugar pills and are in such small doses that they couldn't have any side effects unless you swallowed a few whole bottles). You can buy chamomilla pellets at a natural foods store (there are several fine brands, but I usually get Boiron because they're easily avaibable to me). Get Chamomilla 6X. (The 6X is the dose. If you can't find 6X strength, get 20c or 30c--whatever they have--and dissolve a few pellets in some water, then put a few drops under her tongue.) When your daughter gets fussy, put a pellet (it's a sugar pellet, so she probably won't reject it) under her tongue and let it dissolve. If it's going to work for her, it should start working in a few minutes.

If you can try to make the switch when she's a little calmer, it might go more smoothly. In the old days, people would put a little honey on the pacifier to get the baby to suck on it. We obviously know better now than to use honey, but you might try putting a few drops of breastmilk to see if that helps. Or you could try putting some sugar water on your finger for a few sucking sessions, and then putting the same sugar water on the pacifier to make the switch.

The other thing to ask is how your partner (if you have one) soothes her? Will she take a pacifier from him/her? Sometimes nursing moms don't develop any other repertoire (I'll be the first to stand up and raise my hand here, even after two kids) because the milk jugs solve almost any problem. When you hit a problem that can't be solved by a nipple, you've got nothing. I've learned to watch what my husband does to see how to calm my kids without nursing them. Your partner may have some trick to calm your daughter that you haven't tried. Or maybe your partner's also got the finger-sucking problem, in which case I'm going to give up and open it up to the readers.

Did any of you successfully make a switch to a pacifier? How did you do it?

 

Comments

[iheartnewyork]

Oh boy -- this sounds so familiar! Our daughter did the exact same thing, would only suck on my pinky, hated pacifiers. Believe it or not, she started to suck her thumb at five months old. We were surprised but thrilled because she finally had a way to soothe herself. We saw that she was getting closer and closer to finding her thumb when she was in her crib for a nap or for the night -- we put her in awake at nighttime. Don't know if it's unusual to have them figure out thumb sucking that late? Of course, now she's 5 years old and we're working on breaking the habit -- which also is happening, slowly but surely.

Kirsten

[ValleyGal]

My four month old is also anti-pacifier. I've tried them all and the closest we got was one that he would suck -- as long as I held it in his mouth. My MIL is perpetually chagrined about his binky-free life, but it doesn't bother me. But, if I really wanted to get him to take a pacifier (and I would if sucking on my pinky was his soothing method of choice), I'd try Moxie's solutions. You also might want to see if there's one that she'll let you (or hubby) hold in her mouth while she's in your arms. Then, once she's used to that, try giving it to her when she's in a bouncie seat, and then in her crib. Finally, have you considered dipping your finger in something safe, but crappy tasting? There's got to be some baby-safe foodstuff that she'll hate the taste of enough that she'll refuse your pinky (spinach juice, etc.) . Maybe if you dip your pinky in something untasty and then offer a pacifier dipped in breastmilk, she'll make the switch on her own. And even at that age, everything is easier if they think it's their idea...

[Cas]

I got hit by this too and it kind of blindsided me...no one had ever brought up the idea befoe my DD was born that my new baby might not like any of those cute coloured binkies I was stockpiling. You hear all kinds of horror stories about trying to get the baby to give it up but never any about trying to get them to take one in the first place.
I wound up going through thirteen different brands of pacis before I found that my duahgter would take the soothies brand ones. But only the vanilla scented ones. I think you can get them online at childmed.com.
I also found dipping a paci in gripe water worked occasionally before I found the Soothies. But for those first three months I was not anything so much as I was a binky on legs.

[Kate]

I am useless here. My daughter would not take a pacifier, or anything else. Admittedly we did not try that hard, although sucking on her fingers would have been nice. Sadly, we could never get her attached to any kind of lovey, either...no beloved stuffed animal, blanket, pillow, weird something else. I--and not necessarily my breasts because she's 21 months now--am her lovey, which is going to be difficult in about 3-4 weeks, when I suddenly have someone who will be nursing OFTEN.

My potential piece of advice would be to try her in a back carrier (like a Mei Tai or a wrap), so she is close to you and comforted & calmed by your movements/voice, but she can't access your fingers. As a bonus, if it works, it's a great way to run errands, do housework, etc.

Congrats on the great nighttime sleeping, though. I am incredibly jealous!

[Melissa]

The pacifiers that finally worked for us (around the 4-month mark) were the Mam silicone ones. I got my baby to take them by popping them in at the end of nursing when she was kind of drowsy. At that point she was only napping in a sling and sleeping with me, so it really helped the transition to the crib.

Oh, and she finally took a bottle at 6 months. The Playtex Naturalatch silicone nipple was what worked, although now she'll take Avent as well.

[Stacey]

I had this exact same issue with the pacifier vs. sucking on mommy (finger or breast) but finally got my 13 week old to take a pacifier without the endless brand switching business. Option 1 For those who don't worry about germs: suck on the pacifier yourself a bit before giving to baby. It warms it up and makes it taste like you. Option 2 For those who worry about germs too much to suck on the paci and then put it in babies mouth: hold the paci tightly in your hand for awhile until it warms up. Same idea. Option 3 Slightly less likely to work, but wins on the sanitary front: warm the paci up in warm (not hot) tap water and then give to baby. Good luck!

[AmyinMotown]

I used the same non-boob soothers as Melissa; mam pacifiers and Playtex naturalatch nipples. She was pretty little when I gave her one, and what worked was giving it to her when she was calm and not hungry and making sure she still got the cuddles, etc for awhile. We only did the binks for a short while, because she discovered her thumb at about 5 months and that was that.

[Elspeth]

Thanks for everyone comments! I'm excited to hear of a couple little ones not finding their thumb until the five month mark ... that means there is still hope!!! for 2 more weeks anyway. Should I start refusing to give her the finger in case I prevent her from finding her thumb? She'd be very upset regardless of cuddles ... but I feel like we're stuck if I keep giving it. I'm a typical first time mom and tend to cave as I hate to see her upset ... but some day I have to go back to work! Thanks!!!

[ValleyGal]

Elspeth -- If you haven't got the heart to go cold turkey, maybe you can wean her off of your finger? Maybe if she's going to be upset, you can watch the clock and let her cry (in your arms while you cuddle) for 5 minutes. Keep putting her thumb (or other fingers, or fist, or arm or whatever works) in her mouth, but don't give her your finger. If that doesn't work, then give her the finger (so to speak). Then the next day, try for 10 minutes. And so on and so on. It might be easier on you to be firm if you know that there's an end time...

[Amy]

My daughter was also a mommy-finger-sucker up until she finally figured out how to get her thumb in her mouth at 4-5 months. There still might be hope for Elspeth's daughter taking her thumb.