Judgment

A little anecdote for a Tuesday afternoon.

A few days ago I was with my mom, and we were struggling to get El Chico to get out of the car to come into a store with us. It was about 25 degress F ( -4 C) and he was refusing to put on his coat to walk across a long parking lot. There was a guy loading his kids into an SUV next us, and the whole time I was thinking, "He's got to think I'm a horrible mother who can't even get her kid to wear a coat in the freezing cold." Finally I got the coat on El Chico and glanced up at the man, and he was smoking outside the SUV, while his kids were inside with the doors shut. He looked at me and nervously said, "I never make them breathe secondhand smoke!"

I had this flash of realization that we parents are expecting to be judged at all times by other parents. He didn't care if my kid was wearing a coat, but I thought he did. And I don't care if he smokes outside his car, but he thought I did.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Comments

[Wood]

I don't know. And how do we make it stop?

[Mayberry]

I don't know. I had a similar realization recently when talking with a pregnant friend about VBACs. I tried to have one with my 2nd child; she's scheduling a repeat c-section. She's catching all kinds of flak from people wanting to know why she won't even try to VBAC--and all I heard when I was planning my VBAC was "Are you crazy? Just schedule a section!" You can't win!

[Melanie]

Because parenting is so important to us and we're afraid we're screwing up? So if others make the same choices: we must be doing good! (Our kids will be happy!) And if others make different choices: what if I'm ruining them forever? (Their lives will be filled with misery!)

Just a guess . . .

But it's intresting to note that these feelings happen even to confident, experienced parents. Personally, I think being afraid of being judged is the worst part of parenthood.