Q&A: Getting a 3-year-old to eat

Tammy writes:

"My name is Tammy, I’m 33 and the single mother of a 3 year old little boy.  I am having a hard time getting him to eat anything besides: chicken nuggets, scrambled eggs, corn and cereal.  He doesn’t want to try anything new and is downright awful when I try to get him to eat something else.  What kind of advice can you give me to help him start eating more nutritional foods?"

I feel your pain. Oh, boy, do I feel your pain!

Kids are just as stubborn at 3 as they were at 2, but they're not tricked as easily. And they really refine their preferences into the two discrete categories of "favorites" and "no-o-o-o-o!".

I was talking to one of the other moms at our preschool the other day. El Chico will be 4 in two months, and her son will be 4 in five months.

"Remember back when he was 2 and ate everything?" I asked.

"Yes!" she said. "I thought I was the best mother ever because my kid ate such a wide variety of foods!"

"Oh, I was sooo cocky and judgemental because my little health nut loved asparagus."

"And kale!" she countered.

Then we both laughed. The bitter, jaded laugh of mothers whose children eat nothing that isn't a carrier for butter.

My kid will eat cinnamon toast (special thanks to my mother for introducing him to cinnamon toast), French fries, chicken, broccoli, baby carrots, bagels with butter, peanut-butter-and-honey-sandwiches, and frosting (but not the cake beneath it). I am extremely grateful that he eats the chicken, broccoli, and carrots. Three month ago he wouldn't even eat those.

Actually, he seems to be expanding his palate almost exponentially in the last month or two. He's eaten salad, cucumbers, turkey, baked beans, and corn in the last two weeks. Who knows how many foods he'll deign to eat by the time he turns four?

If your son is anything like mine, it's partly because he just likes what he likes, and partly to exert control over his life. I don't think there's much to be done about it (assuming you don't want to have knock-down-drag-out fights at every meal) except wait it out and make sure he gets vitamins every day.

So you should probably just count your blessings (corn is better than cookies!) and hang in there until he gets closer to 4. It will happen. Just not soon enough.

Updated to add: I just thought of another thing that might help. Peer pressure is strong at this age. So if your child has a friend who will eat things s/he won't, maybe you can have them trade some time sharing meals with each other. "Jack likes tomatoes!" can be a powerful force to getting your own child to at least try them. It doesn't always work, but it's more likely to work than just trying to talk new foods up on your own.

Comments

[PumpkinMama]

Someone beat me to the punch. I was ready to email with the exact same ? on my 2.5 year old. I guess I've got a while to wait for him to be interested in anything but chicken nuggets, cheese and fruit cups. Sigh. That said, any recommendations for a good vitamin that doesn't have a lot of junk/sugar in it?

[Moxie]

We use Source of Life Animal Parade vitamins from the health food store. They have sugar, but no artificial colors or flavors, and one of the listed ingredients is broccoli, so there's that.

[Linda]

Everyone who relates to this question needs to read this blog entry by Finslippy:

http://finslippy.typepad.com/finslippy/2006/01/speaking_of_ban.html

We're not alone.

[SheilaC]

Yeah, our triplets were very like this at age 3. A very limited food repertoire. And there were almost NO foods that all 3 would agree on, of course. For a long time our son would not eat cheese of any kind, and no meat except chicken nuggets. Two kids ate chicken nuggets, but one was "no way". Two ate meatballs, one was "no way". Two ate mac and cheese, one was "no way". And so on and on.

Nobody liked spaghetti, or any type of casserole with foods all mixed up together. Foods only one child would eat didn't get offered much, it just wasn't worth the hassle. Breakfasts, lunches and especially suppers required at least 2 different foods to be offered, and probably another "real" food for the adults to eat.

It was a huge breakthrough when I convinced the 3 year olds that if you put your old favourite pieces of bread and butter together with your old favourite slice of processed cheese slice, it could be a sandwich! (Thanks to Fred Penner for the "Sandwiches are Beautiful, Sandwiches are fine" song!) But for another year, the only sandwich anyone would eat was processed cheese. Ugh!

We relied on vitamins, and the occasional tales of other picky kids who ate nothing but Kraft dinner and cheerios for a year.

It's a very annoying stage, but it does, very gradually, get better!

Best wishes,
from a mom to 5 1/2 year old triplets
- We can share family meals now, from a 2 week menu of things everyone will eat!

[Tara]

Oh, so it is not just me? My 3 year old eats

Pizza, chicken nuggets, lo mein (go figure),ziti, grapes bananas, mandarin oranges, cheerios, yogurt,

Drinks only water or seltzer.

Will eat a carrot but for some reason ALWAYs gags on it!

I love this web site.

[Tammy]

Thanks so much for the advice on this. I thought about the peer pressure thing but didn't know exactly how to go about doing it. I may have to resort to using the neighbors kid. Thanks again and I'll keep coming back for more advice.

[Shelley]

The only thing that seems to help with my 2 y.o. daughter is that I have stopped broadcasting that I care what she eats. The less I push something the more likely she is to try it. So I offer whatever it is I want her to eat, cheerfully and noncommitally, and sometimes she samples it and sometimes no. But since we've started this I-don't-care routine she's tried lentils, cooked carrots, tomatoes and a bunch of other things. I almost fall off my chair, and then busily work on hiding how pleased I am. Bottom line: if I make this into a power struggle she's gonna win. So I've removed the struggle aspect, and it's better.

[Shelley]

The only thing that seems to help with my 2 y.o. daughter is that I have stopped broadcasting that I care what she eats. The less I push something the more likely she is to try it. So I offer whatever it is I want her to eat, cheerfully and noncommitally, and sometimes she samples it and sometimes no. But since we've started this I-don't-care routine she's tried lentils, cooked carrots, tomatoes and a bunch of other things. I almost fall off my chair, and then busily work on hiding how pleased I am. Bottom line: if I make this into a power struggle she's gonna win. So I've removed the struggle aspect, and it's better.